Mercury is in retrograde.

I hadn't heard of this crazy mercury and retrograde crap until this year. 'Twas just a normal day where I was running errands for work, walked out of the assisted living building, and, curiously enough, noticed something was wrong with the front of my car:

Aw, shit. I looked for a note and there was nothing. Shit fuck crap. 

Okay, whatever. I'm out the $500 deductible, but, whatever. It'll get sorted out. I headed back to my office and CKO turned and said, "Huh. Must be mercury in retrograde."

Qua? 

Here is Mercury in Retrograde:

I don't really get the science of it either and I think it's as boring as it looks. CKO explained it more efficiently: "It screws up everything."

Ohhhh well. Whatever.

The next day, I got pulled over.

The next day, I locked my keys in the car.

Then, CKO fell in the grocery store.

Then, the fire alarm went off in my building and I had to sit in my car, with Franny & Sasha, for an hour and a half.

Then, my car wouldn't start because the battery died,
Then, our activities coordinator at the assisted living building, Marc, got his computer fried in a power surge.

Then, the dryer ate my $2 and I have an entire load of laundry strewn around my apartment, trying to dry.

MERCURY. RETROGRADE. UNTIL MAY 11TH!

Please don't hang out with me until then. Thank you.